7.04.2009

Mom to baby says.

"You need to work on not feeling like you don't have any friends. You have way more friends than I had at your age and you seem to have a lot more potential of staying friends with them for a long time."
I guess my mom is right. I'm going to put in fresh effort towards getting my permit too. I'm just really nervous. I need to work on not going into everything with the thought that I'm going to completely fuck it up.
I lied to my mom last night about something but she figured it out anyways. I feel bad about it. She told me that I could tell her anything, that even though she may not like it, she knows I'll figure it out and I need to tell her the truth in the mean time. I don't know what I was thinking. I never lie to her about anything. I guess I was just trying to spare her feelings but I'm learning very quickly that "trying to spare someone's feelings" can often be more hurtful and have a more negative effect than just telling them the truth.
Whoosh.
In other news, I'm really glad John and I are friends again. He's a very positive influence in my life right now. And I'm glad I'm back in Virginia Beach with Pearl and Hunter and Seychelle and Savannah and everyone, even if a lot of people here are assholes and call us pasty (Pearl). 
Anyways, I'll say it again: I am so lucky to have friends, to have people who put up with my obnoxious angst all the time. I promise one day I will repay you guys in full.
As far as affairs of the heart, I'm just going to let it be. I still want to be with you more than almost anything in this world. I still think about you every five minutes, if not more, of every day. I am the most happy and the most safe when I'm in your arms. I'm going to miss you, but I figure while I'm here I might as well make the most of it, and the rest is up to you. I'm not going to bug you about being with me anymore. It's your choice, and I don't want you to say it again unless you truly mean it. I will always have a place in my heart for you, I would do anything for you. I hope you know that, and I hope one day we can look back on this and remember only the good things, and laugh at how silly we were. That's my plan anyways.
And everything will be ok. I love you.
I think my new goal is to one day become a flight attendant, or work for an airport, maybe a gatekeeper or something. I think I would really really enjoy that.
List of things to accomplish/future goals:
Clean my room really well and throw out at least half of the crap in here I forgot I even had.
Get more root beer floats with John and have Volta listening drives.
Go on more adventures with Savannah and Pearl and Hunter. 
Save my money so I can go to Bob Dylan with Ashley.
Find the (other) bike of my dreams and possibly the person who stole mine so I can finally get my revenge which I'm still drawing up the diagrams for.
Find a job in Richmond, but I'm probably still just going to transfer to the Barnes and Noble there.

Sounds good for now, eh?

2 comments:

  1. Give all the crap you're going to throw away to me! That's what i told Pearl to do.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Girl, call me and we'll hang out!

    ReplyDelete