I really hope I have 50 secrets. I'm going to try. Some of them might be really uncomfortable and some of them might be really stupid and some might not even be secrets at all but I'll try. And I really hope certain other people read this and forgive me for some of it.
Ok. Long random list number 2!
1.) My sister once dubbed me "Squirtle". The reason for this is because I ran out of birth control pills and couldn't go get more for some reason and I think I also had the stomach flu, but three days after running out I had a terrible nightmare and I woke up and ran to the bathroom and had the worst diarrhea of my Whole. Entire. Life. I was crying. It was like my butt was vomiting. Of course I had to tell Pearl and to this day she still calls me Squirtle. Now you all know why. And now you know why I HATE that nickname.
2.) During the duration of this sickness time I started texting the tumultuous love of my current young life. He's been stuck with me ever since. And I don't think he knows about the Squirtle thing. That's the secret I guess.
3.) He has no idea how much fucking courage it took for me to text him. Seriously. I sat there and stared at that first text for about a minute and when I finally did it I squealed and hid under the covers and had a panic attack when he texted back and couldn't look at it.
4.) Everyone says I'm a flirt but I'm actually really really atrociously bad at those types of things. As is obvious by the above.
5.) A lot of these are going to be about aforementioned love of my young life by the way, sorry. I'm really obsessed with him. Obsessed isn't the word I guess because it sounds creepy but I guess that's love. Love is creepy as fuck if you think about it.
6.) My nipples are pierced.
7.) One time I overheard my parents say about me "Michaela doesn't listen to anything you say she just stares at things that aren't there." I thought nobody noticed.
8.) When I was going through puberty I was really obsessed at staring at crotches, particularly male ones. Seriously. It was weird.
9.) I hate walking when people are watching me. I feel so awkward and I think I walk funny because I overanalyze my movements and usually stick my fingers in my mouth which looks really infantile.
10.) Sometimes I think all I have going for me is my looks.
11.) And other times I really think I have nothing at all going for me because sometimes I think I really don't look all that great.
12.) I think my eyebrows make me look angry but I'm afraid to ask someone because that's just a really stupid thing to ask.
13.) I spend a lot of time staring at my own face. I wish for one moment I could step out of my body and see me the way other people do.
14.) I'm starting to really hate girls. Seriously, unless they are really cool or really smart or really unattractive I feel majorly threatened by them and won't be their friend.
15.) My favorite font is Helvetica and I do not care how hipster that is. I liked it first, ok?! I've even watched the documentary. How many people have done that?!
16.) As far as clothes go I really really just enjoy being comfortable now more than anything. I spent so many years wearing fussy annoying ridiculous clothes. Still, sometimes I get worried my appearance is too boring which is a dumb worry.
17.) I'm really self deprecating. =(
18.) I used to steal my mom's romance novels and read them secretly until I realized how repetitive and boring they all are.
19.) I lurk a lot on Myspace and Facebook. Part of my annoying insecurity that I seem to have developed a lot of as of late.
20.) I'm really really good at subtly getting revenge. It scares me sometimes.
21.) Every time I'm about to do something I get really scared I'm going to mess it up and I get so scared I will I usually do. It's a vicious cycle.
22.) I'm bipolar.
23.) When I want to make myself feel better I usually change my appearance in some way.
24.) I'm really bad at names.
25.) I'm also really bad at celebrities. Seriously I usually can't care less.
26.) Sometimes I think if I got pregnant I would be really happy.
27.) I know it's boring but I want to get married and have children and a dog and hamsters one day.
28.) There are three people in this world that I would like to see die, and if I could get away with it, I would kill them myself and probably relish every moment of it.
29.) I hate people you have to try really hard to make smile or laugh.
30.) I really love old people and watching old people and conversing with old people. Especially carmudgeons.
31.) Black people usually think I'm really funny even when I'm not doing anything funny at all. It makes me feel weird.
32.) I had this friend at Salem named Arianne and she used to punch me on my upper arms all the time, which are ridiculously sensitive but she was kind of really scary and I never said anything to her about it even though sometimes I had to run to the bathroom and cry. I feel stupid about it now. In her own way she really cared about me though. She used to make fun of me a lot but if anyone else did she gave them a lot of shit. She was also the first and only person in my life to ever cornrow my hair.
33.) Hallways scare me. I usually have to run through them really fast.
34.) One time I got a really gross hair growing out of my areola but I plucked it out and it never grew back. I still have nightmares about it even though apparently this is really common.
35.) Speaking of boobs, I'm really insecure about mine. I'm getting better at not hating them though. It just seems infinitely unfair that I don't have any.
36.) If my sister died I would want to die with her.
37.) When she got her nose pierced I almost punched the piercer out. I hate seeing her in pain.
38.) I've never actually punched anyone though and even though my dad taught me how I don't think I would pack a very powerful punch. Which scares me a little but I don't plan on ever getting into a fight.
39.) One time one of my ex boyfriends watched me get punched in the stomach at a show and he didn't say or do anything, he didn't even ask me if I was ok. And than he left me all by myself at 2 in the morning on a dark street corner because I was waiting for a ride. I've never told him so but this is the prime reason we broke up, among other more obviously devastating reasons.
40.) I don't think I'm self absorbed I'm just constantly trying to figure myself out. Sometimes the way I act shocks and repulses even me.
41.) I way overanalyze germs. Like I will watch someone sneeze and than make a trail of germs wherever they go.
42.) I get rashes on my neck when I'm stressed out or nervous. I really hate it.
43.) I probably spend more time thinking about annihilating body hair than anything else worthwhile. Ok maybe that's an over exaggeration but I think about it a lot and my hate for it. Not so much on other people but on myself. I actually admire hairy people.
44.) One time during the time when I was a vegetarian my mom made steak and in the middle of the night I got this intense craving for it so I went to the kitchen and ate more than half of it with my bare fingers, picking it up cold off of the plate and shoving it into my mouth. She knew but she never said anything about it and I never told anyone.
45.) Anything fried gives me a crazy stomach ache and diarrhea.
46.) I tell my mom almost everything. Seriously. Everything.
47.) When my sister pinches her arms it pisses me off a lot. It's really stupid and I shouldn't care but I really wish she would stop.
48.) I used to fantasize a lot about killing my dad but now I'm really glad I didn't.
49.) I now just enjoy thinking up elaborate schemes that involve a lot of suffering for people I dislike.
50.) I feel really guilty when I talk about myself too much. All of this usage of I is giving me a rash.
Hallways are pretty frightening...
ReplyDeleteThis list was intriguing. I reallly doubt I could come up with such a thing in one sitting. Props to having your deepest, darkest secrets readily accessible! :-p
And if you think you over-analyze germs, try being over-analytical about germs on a ship! Woah nelly!